I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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