I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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