Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
