im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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