he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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