nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm really busy with my period
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