I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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