I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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