Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
