I can tuck mytits in my pants
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
