shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
