I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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