I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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