You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
