omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
