i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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