the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
