True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just blew my weed a kiss
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
