apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize