She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
