Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
