He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
