so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
