grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
