do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
