No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
