oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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