This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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