ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
