my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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