We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
