Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
