go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
