I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
