One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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