I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
