if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
