Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
