he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
