i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
