so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
