Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
