It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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