Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Still dying that you shit outside
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
