I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
