I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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