i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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