I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
