Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
