sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
