Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
