I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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