I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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