Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
