You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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