theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
