On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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