I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
