i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
