u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
