I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
