dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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