Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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