I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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