i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
