So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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