I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
