Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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