The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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