Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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