I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
