Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
