She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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