As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can I color on your dick again?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
